Steamy Summer Weekend… Oh So Much Fun!

Ha! I think there’s no harm in learning how to lure people with title that reminds you of a free evening tabloid on a tube station. Yep… We did have a Steamy Weekend, but not the sleazy, not-children-friendly kind of Steamy Weekend. First clue, of course, there is no such thing as a Steamy Summer in Britain. It is always the windy, slightly cold, or heatwave kind of summer in here. And, second of all, I am talking about Steam the game apps.

I downloaded the apps years ago, when someone told me that he would buy me a game. I had never had someone bought me a game before that day, and I thought that was quite a unique way to woo a girl. I mean, I am not really into flowers and chocolate, so… I did download the game. But I stopped contacting the aforementioned person, although I kept the apps, and the account… and the game.

Anyway… few days ago, I decided to go back there after one of my friends mentioned that Steam has summer sale. I wonder if there’s something I’d like. And there was this free game.

I was playing it when my Grumpkin came back from work, and I told him what it was. He took a glance, and he decided he’s going to try it too. Now both of us are hooked, and we spent the whole weekend — that was supposed to be spend somewhere else. We are bad like that..

But, anyway… I just realised that even when playing computer games, Grumpy is still grumping like no one’s listening — although in this case no one did listen, because I was playing the game too, and accidentally ignored his grumpyness completely. Ooops…

Anyway… time to sleep soon, hopefully we won’t get too absorbed into this game, and pull all-nighter playing, and feel horrible tomorrow.

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starving the caveman 3rd day….

Day 3

Not an easy one so far. It’s my morning break – 10pm and the caveman is banging about and making lots of noise. Has been since this morning. 

I don’t want to quieten things down with a quick vape because I don’t want to rely on that and end up swapping one source of nicotine for another. Plus there is a principle here. 

So I’m just going to have to sit here and tough it out till break is over. Hopefully my work will distract me and drown out the cavemans clamour. 

Nope, it didn’t. At least not completely. The need for a rollup has been bugging me all bloody day. What really sucks is that I know that if I ever did give in and have one it will taste like crap (plus I’d be pissed off with myself for doing it).

I think that I compensated this evening with nibbles. That’s something else that I’m going to have to curb. Hopefully I can cut down on those. Chances are that I’ll have a grumpy rant about that sometime in the near future.

But anyway… bed time now and I am happy that I have managed three days without smoking. A result for me

starving the caveman day 2

Late yesterday evening wasn’t good. It seems that the caveman wakes up more in the evenings because he was banging on the walls by 10pm

I’m trying to evaluate how it feels. It seems to be a cross between anxiety – that horrible feeling in your tum and all the stomach muscles are tensing – and hunger. 

So far it seems to be a purely physical discomfort. 

I did end up having to have a very brief vape before going to bed. Just to take the edge off. 

Fortunately the anxiety/cravings/withdrawal seem to “reset” somewhat during the night as I woke this morning not feeling as “needy” as when I went to sleep.

The working day wasn’t too bad. I definitely had to hold my tongue and censor my thoughts a few times though. Speaking ones mind at work – especially about work – is never a good idea. 
I think the agitation was mainly withdrawal with a tiny bit of work frustration. 

Anyway, I got through work ok. 
The evening was also fairly ok too. I didn’t feel as anxious as yesterday but my body still doesn’t like not having a rollup (or several). Another very brief sip of the vape helped a tiny bit. 

So far… Two days without smoking. 

That is an achievement in itself

Starving the caveman. First day….

It’s Monday morning and it’s also my quit day. I have a weeks “buffer” – the suggested quit date is one or two weeks after starting the medication – but I’m hoping that I won’t need that. 

My last rollup was last night and it tasted really horrible. If I get major cravings then ill have to keep that in mind. 
10.00 coffee break

The caveman is asleep but occasionally wakes up grumbling. 

Normally I would have had between 5 or 6 rollups by now and coffee break is one of those “routine” moments. I’ll distract myself with a book and console myself that I have an “emergency vape” device if I get too twitchy.


Lunchtime 

And I’m feeling a bit agitated. Not sure if it’s withdrawal because I’m a bit anxious and bummed out about something unrelated. So far the occasional deep breath is helping
Evening

The caveman is awake and demanding. Deep breathing is not helping much. I’m feeling very twitchy now. Not cranky though, which is good. Thinking about the vape but so far I have not given in to it. I can justify going to bed in an hour or so. I can hopefully hang on to that. 

Ah. First day and this sucks monkey balls. 

First World..thoughts and grumps

Well…

I was initially going to have a grumpy outraged rant about some news that I heard recently. The news that here in the UK old married couples are sometimes split up and sent to different nursing homes.

I have to admit that nowadays I’m a pretty apathetic bastard a lot of the time and not much about humanity surprises me. But this bit of news actually got to me. I was genuinely outraged that this kind of thing can happen in a first World Country.

And then…. I remembered how privileged I am to be in a first world country.

Most of my life has been spent with my head pretty much in the sand (or with it up my arse?) and “world events” as well as “the other persons perspective” never really entered my head. I had for a long time given up following news and politics because its pretty much depressing (oh, and I rant about newspapers and biased or “silly” reporting).

Meeting and getting to know my beautiful alien has changed all that.

I was lucky enough to travel to her country and it opened my eyes. At least it did when I stopped thinking “first world expectations and rights”. I heard about some of the countries turbulent history too and how it affected my beautiful alien, her family, and a good amount of the countries population.

While I was there I saw a totally different way of life and values. It has made me realise just how lucky I am and just how lucky people in the UK are.

The UK government (and the news media) put out statistics of how the NHS is “failing”, for example. Some people have to wait over 4 hours to be seen.

I know it’s not as black and white as this but… the people are waiting for a free service. The doctors and nurses are busting their proverbial balls to heal people and everyone gets outraged if it takes “too long”.

Fuck me, Id rather wait for several hours knowing that someone will look after me (for free) rather than not get proper decent medical attention, or not get any treatment/medicine at all because I cannot afford it.

Sometimes I think that people have been “given” so much that some people scream about their “rights” if they are denied a luxury…. oooh, that can easily turn into an entire grumpy ranting post about having to work hard to get things in life, not expect them to be handed to you.

Its good to remind myself (or get reminded) of this occasionally. I know that for “first world people” first world problems can seem awful but at least we (here in the UK) are relatively safe and secure as we go about our day-to-day lives. We can walk the streets in (relative) safety, we are secure in the knowledge (even if we don’t always realise it) that whatever happens to us there is some authority or organisation that will pick us up if we fall and look after us. We don’t have to deal with corruption, nor see it as “a way of life” when dealing with authorities or corporations.

Oh, and we can turn on a tap pretty much anywhere and expect not to get sick off the water (and if the water is dubious [small risk of being a bit ill after drinking it] there will be a bloody big sign behind the tap telling us “not drinking water”).

 

I have no idea why I wrote all of that. It’s just my own thoughts and observations (as I see them). I love my little country and it’s interesting to see the differences between it and others around the world.